The Divorcing Family

In class today we learned that 70% of divorced couples later admit they could and should have saved their marriage.

Though there are of course cases in which divorce is the only answer, today the majority of divorces are done carelessly, thoughtlessly, and for no reason other than boredom.

Divorce has many negative consequences that many people overlook, such as how deeply the children involved will be affected, the legal and economic costs, as well as the emotional toll it will take on everyone involved, particularly the couple themselves.

Children complicate divorce in so many ways. Custody comes into questions along with where they will attend school, what activities they can participate in, and the values they will be taught.

Again, there are cases in which divorce is necessary but in those cases in which a marriage can be saved, it should be saved.

Presiden Gordon B. Hinckley taught: "Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way.

This video is a fantastic representation of the importance of keeping marriages strong.

 

"A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. Spouses should exercise faith in Christ and love for each other to heal and strengthen their marriage relationship."

 

Other information on divorce:
http://www.marriagesavers.org/sitems/Divorce/

Ministering of Angels

Doctrine and Covenants 76:88- "And also the telestial receive it of the administering of angels who are appointed to minister for them, or who are appointed to be ^aministering spirits for them; for they shall be ^bheirs of salvation"

I am a firm believer in angels, whether they be on this side of the veil or the other. I read a great article on the topic of the "ministering of angels," which is a phenomenon often found in the scriptures during a time of great need for a person a people.

This article discusses angels, their reality and their mission. Angels are sent by God to accomplish His work, which is to help to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39).

The author of this article makes one point in particular that I find intriguing. He states:

"Our deceased ancestors, therefore, become ministering servants—angels of God—and their redemptive work continues. President Joseph F. Smith said, 'When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred, friends, and fellow-beings and fellow-servants.'”

This being said, we can take comfort that not only does God know and love us and care about our well-being, but so do those angels which minister among us to help us achieve God's work.

Though angels can be from the other side, I also firmly believe that we have the responsibility to be angels while we are here on earth. As parents, we can be angels in guiding and teaching our children. We can be friends to others. We can help people in need. There is so much work to be done. We don't have to wait until we pass on to become God's angels. In fact, if we wait until we die it would be too late- We would already have missed out on doing so much good in the name of the Almighty.



Links to the articles used are below:
http://ldsmag.com/article/1/11837
http://www.lds.org/scriptures/tg/angels-ministering?lang=eng

Communication Basics

As a business psychology major at Brigham Young University- Idaho, I have had the opportunity to take multiple communications classes in addition to my many psychology classes. As I have learned more about communication as it relates to psychology, I have come to understand how much we are mentally, emotionally and spiritually influenced by how others communicate with us.

There have been multiple studies performed to determine which aspects of communication influence us the most. Results of these studies tend to differ slightly, though the average tends to look something like this:

Words (what is said) : 7-14%

Tone (how it’s said) : 35-38%

Nonverbal (your body language) : 51-55%

(http://www.cod.edu/Course/MGT100/mgtcomm.htm)

With this in mind, we need to ensure that not only are our word kind, but also our tones and body language. This is especially important with our families. When love is evident in your words and deeds, your family will be strengthened.

In 1 Timothy 4:12, we are commanded, "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

While we are here in this life, we are meant to be like Christ in every way possible. He was the ultimate example of perfect communication. His thoughts, words, deeds and everything  conveyed His love and testified of His divine mission. We are commanded to be like Christ and the way we communicate is a huge part of this quest.

As the old saying goes, actions truly do speak louder than words. Not only should we speak with love but also act in ways that convey our love.

Stress in the Family

A common misconception held by many is that stress is harmful to the family unit. Contrarily, I believe stress can be a great way for family members to come together and strengthen their bonds.

President Uchtdorf, the second counselor in the First Presidency, taught:

"When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be." (Of Things That Matter Most)

In this life, everyone will be faced with trials (misuse of others' agency), troubles (misuse of our agency), and tribulations (hardships that come with mortality). However, it's not what we face that matters most but rather what we do with these hardships. We can either let them make us or break us. Likewise, we can let such hardships destroy our families or cause them to grow stronger. The latter takes a lot of time and conscious effort, which means we may have to slow our lives down rather than "attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate" because that would only cause stress levels to rise.

Although hardshhips can cause us pain, we can choose whether we suffer during those times. In fact, studies show that those who are able to face hardships with strength and positive attitudes are able to learn and grow from such experiences instead of becoming a victim (Laurer and Laurer 1988; McCubbin and McCubbin 1988; Conger and Conger 2002; Urcuyo et al. 2005).

Using stressors to our advantage can truly help us to learn and grow as well as for our families to learn and grow closer together.

What We Let Them Teach Our Children

This week I have been learning a lot about what changes are being made in the school systems, particularly changes in the sexual education programs. Although I am not yet a mother I find these changes to be very alarming because schools are not simply going to teach what sex is anymore, but rather how to "do it best." I definitely do not agree with the new sex ed programs that will be taught in schools nor do I agree with the ages children will be exposed to them.

In New York, the program for middle school-aged kids is made into a game. Students will essentially be taught everything from french kissing to oral sex using the game, "Risk." Making sexual education a game not only diminishes the importance of abstinence but also encourages young teens to believe having sexual relations before marriage is fun, exciting, and the only way to win in this game of life.

Older students are given even more details and hands-on experience. They are required to examine condom prices and brands. They are also supposed to study " topics such as sexual positions, porn stars, and bestiality." I am 20 years old and attended public schools grades K-12 and even I have no idea what those topics entail. And, if we are being completely honest, I am afraid of what I'd find if I Google'd any of those subjects.

A link to the article is below.

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/mandatory-sex-ed-curriculum-new-york-city-public-schools-132404248.html?dr

If I wouldn't expose myself to those things I definitely wouldn't expose my children to them either. As parents it is our duty to protect our children from anything that could harm them, and before they are emotionally mature enough (and preferably married) learning about the wrong aspects or participating in sex falls into that category of things we should protect them from.

Of course children will need to learn about sex eventually. But I am suggesting that there is a right time, a right place and right people those correct principles of sex ought to be taught.

Right time: when the child is old enough and mature enough
- Information at the wrong time in life can damage you if you are not ready for it
Right place: in the home (not in the schools or at friends' houses)
- Life's most important lessons should be taught in the home
Right people: parents or guardians
- No one can replace the important role of parents (or guardians) in a child's life. If you want to make 100% sure your children are learning correct principles that align with your values then you better not leave it up to the schools to do it. No matter how great their intentions may be, school systems' values are steadily veering away from what many Christian's hold dear and true.

I completely endorse the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in every way and the information presented on educating our children about sex. A great source of information on the topic can be found at the link below:

http://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/introduction?lang=eng

We have been given the ability to create life. We have also been given the responsibility of protecting the life we create.

A Greater Marriage Before the Wedding Day

In class this week we discussed the factors that make up a great wedding. What are the elements of a great wedding? We've all seen movies like The Wedding Planner, Bride Wars, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and many others, all of which imply (at least in the beginning) that it's the big, fancy cake or the decorations should be given the more attention than the combining of two lives.

With these movies in mind, I'd like to propose a few To Dos that are more important to plan than an expensive wedding.

1) Learn how to work as a team. If a couple can't work together to resolve issues or make decisions then it will be much more difficult to make the marriage last. A one person team cannot win a team game.

2) Make your expectations known. It would be a nasty shock to find out years after the wedding day that you and your spouse want completely different things out of life. Plan your lives together, not your parallel lives apart.

3) Self-supporting. This principle has been pounded into my brain since I was little. My mother taught us that we should work as hard as we can in order to stay out of debt and even build savings. Entering marriage with debt or bad money habits will put stress on the marriage. I don't mean to say you should put off being married if you are in debt or are not incredibly financially stable, but one would be wise to start being smart with money as soon as possible.

Other things to consider:
- Once you are married, what's yours is theirs and what's theirs is yours. Everything will be joinly owned
- Establish clear boundaries
- Focus on the union of lives, not the decorations, the dress, the flowers, or anything else that isn't nearly as important as your spouse.

Divine Fathers

As Father's Day is fast approaching, I just wanted to take a moment to thank and acknowledge all of those fathers out there who are doing everything they can to be the best possible father to their children. Every child deserves to be raised by loving parents who are willing and able to teach their children correct principles of morality and even lifes lessons learned.

However, there are most definitely some situations where fathers and husbands have died, leaving children fatherless and wives widowed. In which case, it is important to raise sons in a way that they will grow to be excellent fathers. It is equally important to raise daughters who will someday carefully choose a man to be the father of her children. This mantle of teaching children falls upon parents, guardians, and others everywhere.

During this time of year it is also important to remember not only the men who are in our lives and who have impacted us forever, but also to remember that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us more than we can fathom. On this Father's Day it is my challenge to myself and to all others to personally thank our Father in Heaven for being who He is to us. He is the perfect example of everything a father should be and I love Him for it. I bear witness that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally, who is patient with us and sometimes even firm with us when we have lessons to learn. Jesus is the Christ, the Only Begotten of the Father. The gospel is true and the Church has been restored.

Happy Father's Day!

The Roles of Men and the Roles of Women, Seperately

Call me old fashioned, but I am a stalwart believer in the concept that men and women are different. We think differently, talk differently, socialize differently, play with our kids differently, shop differently... the list goes on and on.

I am going to fight against society's huge push to make men and women the same. Not a lot. Just a little. Enough to make a case for the natures of men and women everywhere, across time and space.

In John Stossel's video, "Men, Women, and the Sex Difference," many social scientists and other professionals analyzed the argument that men and women are "the same." Many of these professionals agreed there are not only personality differences between the two sexes but also biological differences. I encourage all who are interested to seek this video and study it out for themselves.

In the video, one of the women says something to the effect "Equality means that men and women have the same opportunities to succeed, not that we are the same."

I find this distinction to be so true. I have five brothers and let me tell you, we are not the same at all. There are definite gender differences. But does this mean we shouldn't have the same opportunities? Absolutely not. We do, however, have different divinely appointed roles, which you can learn more about in The Family: A Proclamation to the World (link below).

Yes, as men and women we were created equal. No, we are not the same. But we are equal. Adam and Eve were partners (Genesis) and we should follow their lead.

http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

A Late Mother's Day Tribute

Having been born out of wedlock and my parents seperating shortly before my birth, I was definitely not raised in a nuclear family. My mom raised my older brother and me as a single mother. She worked multiple jobs, attended night classes and supported our little family of three (with the traditional dogs, cats, guinea pigs, and many other pets my brother and I smuggled into the household) on an income of $12,000 per year without government aid.

My brother and I had no idea we were poor. We were able to play sports, attend field trips, eat otter pops and do nearly everything the other kids seemed to do. We were also blissfully unaware that our clothes, vhs tapes, furniture, and many of our possessions were from secondhand stores such as Goodwill or Value Village. We thought everyone only had seven television channels. We had no idea computers existed outside of school. And don't even get me started on cellular phones.

More than anything we were ignorant of the sacrifices made by our mom to give us better lives. She often lived off of four hours of sleep per night due to the fact that I wouldn't sleep through the night until first grade. She would donate plasma as often as she could so as to be able to buy milk, bread, shampoo, and the occasional pop-tart, which was a luxery indeed. She bought a house on her own and paid it off completely within a few years. I have never met a woman, or anyone for that matter, that could stretch a penny as far as my mother can.

Her many years of sacrifice has paid off. Today she is a successful manager at a well-respected bank. She is greatly loved by her family, friends, and coworkers. Very few people know of the sacrifices she had to make in order to get where she is today, to get my brother and I where we are today.

Because of our mother's example and teachings, my brother and I will both be graduating college within the next few years. From her we learned the value of a dollar, that a little kindness can go a long way, hard work is always worth it, and families are worth more than anything this world can offer us. We learned what it takes to be a good parent. In a world where possessions take precedence over family and learning how to become good people, I have never been more grateful for the example of a humble, selfless, and hard working woman in my life.

May we all strive to be as she is.

What Matters Most

 

I was watching Mormon Messages and came across this one by President Monson, who I know to be the prophet of God in these days. What matters most is our families and those we love. It is my hope that I will "never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." In trying to become more like Christ, I think we often forget that Christ showed his love for his fellow men more often than anything else he did in this life. In order to be like Christ, we must remember what matters most.

Now Presenting Amanda Kelley!

Hey everyone! My name is Amanda Kelley and I am from Spokane, Washington. I am an Industrial Organization Psychology major with “clusters” in Family Relations and Human Resource Management. I am 19 years old and, like many of my fellow 19-year old sisters, have opted to serve a mission. I leave August 14^th for Little Rock Arkansas! I could not be more excited! After that adventure is over I will return to Rexburg to finish the last two semesters for my BA. I have six siblings in all (four half-brothers, a step brother and a step sister) which makes my family seem pretty crazy and complicated, and it is!